Henry and the Chocolate Factory

This post submitted by Matt/Daddy

It was a typical, lazy weekend afternoon. Evalyn had the idea to have a mid-afternoon snack -- ice cream, in this case. Daddy, just back from a long 5 ½ day business trip, was ready to cave in to any sweet indulgences he and his daughter could dream of. Just as Evalyn suggested ice cream, Daddy was quick to add chocolate syrup to the equation.

After we ate the cool concoctions, Henry decided he wanted in on the action. Daddy caved in to his demands as is customary. But upon tasting the cool sensation, he winced and promptly decided that this business of eating ice cold foods wasn’t for him.

So Henry and Evalyn resume their playing on the messy living room floor. (Editor’s note: This room was spotless when Daddy came home from Denver on Friday night). Daddy returned to the Sunday Paper and got caught up in the latest quarterback controversy in Washington. When Daddy noticed Evalyn again, she had grabbed the bottle of chocolate syrup and was using her teeth to pry open the flip top lid. Once she had it open, Daddy asked her not to do that and she complied. She snapped the lid closed and said, “I’ll give it to Henry to play with.”

To daddy, that was a good idea because he knew all to well what kinds of messes his daughter likes to make with squeeze bottles such as this one. No harm, no foul as they say. Besides what damage could a 9-month old do? He is a smart boy. And really, how much do motor skills change in just five days?

Daddy was right. The flip top was too much for Henry to figure out. But he failed to consider that all squeeze type bottles have a back-door into the world of mess-making. Daddy simply underestimated his son’s ability to twist off the cap.

And while daddy was reading about football and politics, Henry was doing his best to re-enact the Alaskan oil spill. Yes, daddy looked up and saw his very own Exxon Valdez in the comfort of the living room. The thick black gold was oozing and flowing – our carpet was no match for Captain Henry. Nearly 3/4th of the bottle was emptied onto the carpet – and there in the middle was the man at the helm – Henry sitting amidst the devastation. SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! Went his hands. SPLATTER! SPLATTER! SPALTTER went the chocolaty debris. It was like a Jackson Pollack painting on the walls and book case.

Daddy blinked and then pinched himself. The disaster was still there….this was no dream. Daddy would do anything for this to have been a dream. He feared the wrath of his wife. She managed to keep the kids out of trouble for five whole days alone. But, not daddy! He couldn’t even keep the kid’s under control for 30 minutes while his wife napped.

Why did this have to happen on his watch? Surely, this wasn’t happening. But he had to do something. So daddy leapt out his chair swooped his son into his arms then realized: Bad Idea. Daddy was now marred with chocolate syrup. “Yes,” he thought to himself. “Put the kid down, and pull his shirt off to avoid future contamination, and then go to the sink to wash up.”

Daddy quickly put Henry in his high chair – where he was high and dry from the devastation below. Daddy then went to the sink and filled a mixing bowl with Dawn and hot water. When Daddy returned to the scene a few moments later….Little Miss Evalyn, now bare naked and sitting smack in the middle of the spill, did her own splattering. What a mess. With a roll of paper towels in hand, Daddy started to the clean up. But realized he was scrubbing the mess deeper into the carpet fibers.

Evalyn, upon seeing the bowl of water, decided to flip it over and dump it contents onto the spill. Not a bad, strategy, Daddy thought to himself. But Evalyn had just begun to have fun. As daddy scrubbed, the carpet started to foam a nice, sudsy, coffee color. LOTS of light brown foam everywhere. Evalyn, then rolled into the carpet. She stood up and hoped around. It was out of control. Henry laughing from his perch above while Evalyn continued her gymnastics on the floor. With each of her steps, so went the brown imprint elsewhere in the room.

After a fashion, it became evident to daddy: the stain on the carpet was now a permanent fixture and was not going to disappear. Luckily, Daddy’s kids clean up much better and they are just as sweet.